Hello everyone. My name is Jimmy and I have suffered with panic attacks sine I was about 15. I am 44 now. I have been on several different medications and I won't leave home without a bottle that contains a couple of Xanax. I have a lot of anticipatory anxiety. I seem to be caught in a trap. I am overweight and need to exercise but am afraid to because the symptoms are so similar to panic attacks. I am constantly worried about a heart attack or a stroke and have had panic attacks so bad that my blood pressure went to extremely high levels. I have had numerous nuclear stress tests and a sonogram of my heart and have no signs of heart disease per the cardiologist. That reassurance doesn't seem to help. I won't even take my blood pressure at home because I am afraid it will be high and if that were the case, it would make it even worse. I , like most everyone, have ebbs and tides with this stuff but I dont want it to kill me. I am glad there is an outlet whee I can express myself without judgment. My body is overly sensitized to most symptoms. I can sometimes feel a pulse in my scalp and that leads me to believe that my blood pressure is high until I cant feel it anymore.i worry about things I cannot change. I worry about my daughter driving to school. I am pretty much a mess. I appreciate a place to come vent.

Hi Jimmy,

Ditto! You sound like me about 6-8 months ago... YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Our stories are similar, I am also 44 and a big guy... Long time sufferer of anxiety and panic... Carried around Xanax... With health and death anxiety, etc...
It's a long story.. But 2014 was a tough year.
In and out of the emergency room, swearing I was having a heart attack, getting tested for everything under the sun... All the tests coming back ok...
Always convinced that these doctors are not thorough enough and missed something...
One day one of my doctors told me I might have an issue with anxiety, which I already knew to be true...

In desperation I met with a psychologist at UCLA... He told me I have a panic disorder and that I needed to find a therapist that will do cognitive behavioral therapy for panic disorder...
Through a friend I was referred to a therapist who agreed to meet with me, that was around November of last year... We meet weekly, therapy is going well.

In further desperation, looking for more help than just seeing a therapist once a week... I started looking around and stumbled on The Anxiety Guru podcast on iTunes...
I listen regularly and listen to most of the archive episodes as well... Sometimes I play them over again. I have found that in itself to be extremely helpful...

Then I signed on this this website and also listened to Paul's books... Again, extremely helpful...
While listening I heard Paul talking about Dr. Claire Weekes... I searched her out and found some audio books, again extremely helpful...
There are also some old clips of her you can find on YouTube...

I can't tell you for sure which one thing that I am doing is what is most helpful, but my life has completely changed in 2015...
Am I cured? I surely doubt it... But I do a little something each day to work toward recovery, acceptance, etc...
Listen to a podcast on the way to and or from work... Or part of an audio book.
I am also blessed to have two closed mouth friends who have had similar issues with anxiety and panic that I speak with regularly...

Things have gotten a whole lot better as far as anxiety and panic goes..

To give you an example, unrelated to my other health phobias or issues. Last week I was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma ( skin cancer ) on my back.
I go into surgery this Monday, part of the surgery is making an incision under my left arm to biopsy the lymph node to see if it has spread anywhere... Also will have to have about a golf ball size chunk taken off of my back.
Don't get me wrong... I am scared! Really scared!
6-8 months ago I might even have had a trip or two to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack because the panic would have probably been through the roof..

The way I look at it now is, yes... I am scared, perhaps even the scare of my life...
But it is going to be whatever its going to be.
I absolutely have to have the surgery... If I don't, it will certainly kill me...
So, that anxiety of choosing to have or not have the surgery is non existent, its not really a choice I have the luxury of making if I want to live...
I'm not looking forward to it, but I know I must follow through...
Whatever fear, anxiety I might be having over all of this I believe most people would have given the same diagnosis and treatment...

One really good thing I learned along the way from Paul, is to not troll around the internet and on various forums trying to find out information on my condition...
If you look hard enough, some of these forums will have information telling you that breathing air is detrimental to your health!

Maybe in time after I find out the results of the biopsy from my lymph node and if it comes back as having spread, at that point I might consider searching information from reliable sources ( Mayo Clinic ) etc...
But that is jumping way far ahead, today I hope and pray for the best...
Today I leave my treatment in the hands of the professionals, my doctors.

My point is, today is a whole lot better than 6-8 months ago...
Its better because I do something everyday to work toward recovery, its not going to happen by process of osmosis... Unfortunately we can't put a book under our pillow and wake up fixed.

How much is enough? I don't know and don't want you to think I am some example of peace and happiness, Maybe if I devoted more time I might find more peace? More happiness? I don't know...

I wish you the best and hope we all continue on the path of health and peace.

Take care,

Rock

Rick: So sorry to hear about your cancer . I'm can imagine how scary that is but you sound like are managing well. I say the best thing is to learn and practice acceptance and be patience and positive. With all the things I have to go through just the littlest things I notice now and I really try to hold that positive experience in my mind . Like today I was in a meeting and I was feeling anxious but for about a minute or more I feel this nice wave of peace and relaxation and I noticed it and noticed how it felt to feel this . Now I can go back into my brain and remember these feelings to help bring me peace and acceptance. Acceptance is a hard thing to practice with me . I need to accept myself my shortcomings like weight, health issues and try to move onto being positive ..

Take care